Good Grief, I can't believe so much time has slipped by since I last blogged or was even on line. When you have 83 messages in your e-mail-in-box you know for sure you've been somewhere else! I can't imagin what I have been doing but I must have been busy. From Memorial Day on, my past has been a blur. I hope this isn't a sign of impending altzheimers. Actually I have been working, at work, and plowing through the on going saga of cleaning out the garage and house. This has been a mixed blessing, uncovered treasures of the forgotten past all jumbled in with downright garbage and crap. The term "pack rat" just doesn't even come close to definning what I have become. Last week I took a load of mixed crap and treasures to the Goodwill and then a couple of days later I went to the Goodwill and bought some of it back...That is sick!!! I think I am deffinitally going to have to get some counseling on "letting go" and Moving on.......
Summer is here..or,.. I'm beginning to believe Al Gore ( now THAT IS sick). Global warming has arrived in Phoenix! It was 112 yesterday with no relief in sight, just a dust storm. When we lived in Kenosha and we had a storm, the sky would get black. It would thunder and lightening. The wind would whip up( sirens would go off) and then it would pour and pour buckets of rain. The Phoenix senario is...the sky gets black (or red). Then thunder and lightening. Next, the wind whips up(big time-no sirens)and then it pours buckets and buckets of dirt. Really wants to make you move here, right? I now know what it must feel like to get sand blasted. Perhaps we could turn this into a positive spin on "Why you should live in Phoenix." .We're the only place I know, outside of the Sahara, that offers yearly, natural, organic, dermal abrasion.....free! Now if I could only figure out a way to make a really good follow-up moisturizer out of cactus and rattle snakes....move over Bill Gates!!
My last bit of news is I am trying a new diet. It's a kind of a twist on the "cabbage soup" diet.You've probably heard of it. You make this huge pot of cabbage soup and then you eat it instead of food . Only I decided it's too hot for soup so I left all the ingredients raw, shredded them, and wa-la it's now the "cabbage slaw" diet. There is only one draw back so far as I can see and that is....ahem....gas. I have lost about 5 pounds so far but the thought occurred to me that I might be getting lighter because of the high levels of methane in my GI tract. I might be literally floating over my scale.( so have I really lost weight?) There is one other tinny obstacle....getting rid of the excess methane in public places. I know you can burn it but, that's out of the question. I just hope a lot of calories are released in farts. I don't mind being offensive as long as I'm skinnier. If this thing works,I may rename the diet The Phoenix Fart Diet, package it with a bottle of "beano" and market it at Barns and Noble or Sprouts. What do you think?
Summer is here..or,.. I'm beginning to believe Al Gore ( now THAT IS sick). Global warming has arrived in Phoenix! It was 112 yesterday with no relief in sight, just a dust storm. When we lived in Kenosha and we had a storm, the sky would get black. It would thunder and lightening. The wind would whip up( sirens would go off) and then it would pour and pour buckets of rain. The Phoenix senario is...the sky gets black (or red). Then thunder and lightening. Next, the wind whips up(big time-no sirens)and then it pours buckets and buckets of dirt. Really wants to make you move here, right? I now know what it must feel like to get sand blasted. Perhaps we could turn this into a positive spin on "Why you should live in Phoenix." .We're the only place I know, outside of the Sahara, that offers yearly, natural, organic, dermal abrasion.....free! Now if I could only figure out a way to make a really good follow-up moisturizer out of cactus and rattle snakes....move over Bill Gates!!
My last bit of news is I am trying a new diet. It's a kind of a twist on the "cabbage soup" diet.You've probably heard of it. You make this huge pot of cabbage soup and then you eat it instead of food . Only I decided it's too hot for soup so I left all the ingredients raw, shredded them, and wa-la it's now the "cabbage slaw" diet. There is only one draw back so far as I can see and that is....ahem....gas. I have lost about 5 pounds so far but the thought occurred to me that I might be getting lighter because of the high levels of methane in my GI tract. I might be literally floating over my scale.( so have I really lost weight?) There is one other tinny obstacle....getting rid of the excess methane in public places. I know you can burn it but, that's out of the question. I just hope a lot of calories are released in farts. I don't mind being offensive as long as I'm skinnier. If this thing works,I may rename the diet The Phoenix Fart Diet, package it with a bottle of "beano" and market it at Barns and Noble or Sprouts. What do you think?
posted by Woolston Gallery at
5:57 AM
4 Comments:
You are TOO much!! You crack me up!
GO FOR IT! I can tell all my friends and neighbors that my sister got rich gatting people to fart! (Of course, if it's the PHOENIX fart diet, people may attribute the terrible dust storms to the rise of flatulance in the valley....)
Sparrow...
That is so funny. The dermal abrasion could be more than just yearly...we could line up everyone that is on the PF diet turn them around point them at the skin care candidate, throw up a handful of sand and then try for a huge simultaneous fart and wa-la, skin like you wouldn't believe!!(hee, hee).
Skin like a baby's behind... from other people's behinds. That's the slogan.
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